Catharsis of an Itchy Hemorrhoid

DIAGNOSIS
Since the day my wallet found itself into my back pocket, I have not sat very straight. The intrusion of the wallet has introduced upon my world a slanted line-of-sight, not of crossed- eyes but perhaps of a cross rear…

SYMPTOMS
A warm, radiating discomfort in the posterior rippled by an indefatigable attention paid in poop-etuity.

But, what seems to be lost on me, or rather what I lost myself to is that I’m perpetually paying—paying mind until the empty wallet bulges crooked and swollen.

PROGNOSIS
Without properly attending to it, my attention may give me hemorrhoids from pushing too hard.

TREATMENT
Maybe it’ll take a dump to return to even-keel…